Tuesday, December 9, 2014

"Just Shut Up And Listen"




From the NY Times article on Thanksgiving tips on dealing with family issues:

“Just shut up and listen,” said Frederick J. Lanceley, the F.B.I.’s former senior negotiator and former principal director of its negotiation course, when asked how to get two parties who are at odds with each other to cooperate at the holiday dinner table. “People want to be heard. They want the attention.

Mr. Lanceley said that during his 26 years with the F.B.I., his active listening skills caused perpetrators in various cases to confess, to ask if they could write him from jail or to even offer him a job. Mr. Lanceley advocated the following course of action: 

Repeating what the other person says, we call that paraphrasing. ‘So what you’re telling me is that the F.B.I. screwed you over by doing this and that,’ and then you repeat back to him what he said. Also, emotional labeling: ‘You sound like you were hurt by that.’ ‘You sound like it must have been really annoying.’ Little verbal encouragements: ‘Unh-huh,’ ‘Mm-hmm.’ A nod of the head to let them know you’re there.”

The article quotes familiar names from the Law Enforcement Crisis/Hostage Negotiation world such as Chris Voss, Gary Noesner, Jennifer Higby, Jennifer Hardwick, Robin Burcell, and Judy Couwels. 

Read the full article [HERE].

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