Monday, February 23, 2015

Ten Tips for Negotiating in 2015

By Ed Brood (via The Negotiator Magazine)

The ability to negotiate successfully in today's turbulent business climate can make the difference between success and failure. With this in mind, Ed has reevaluated his list of top ten negotiation tips. Here are Ed Brodow's Ten Tips for Successful Negotiating updated for the year 2015:

1. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Successful negotiators are assertive and challenge everything - they know that everything is negotiable. I call this negotiation consciousness. Negotiation consciousness is what makes the difference between negotiators and everybody else on the planet.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

How To Be Someone People Love To Talk To


This is from Eric Barker's wonderful blog.  Basically everything he writes is worth reading and I highly recommend signing up for his newsletter. From his most recent weekly email:

When do we really learn good conversation skills? Well, we don't. We're just kind of expected to pick them up...

And we wonder why people aren't better communicators. How can you be that person people love to talk to?

I've posted a lot of research and expert interviews on the subject so let's round up the info and make it actionable.

In this post you'll learn:
  • How to make a good first impression.
  • How to be a great listener.
  • What the best subjects to discuss are.
  • How to prevent awkward silences.
  • How to politely end a conversation.
And a lot more. C'mon, let's chat.

How To Make A Good First Impression

First impressions really are a big deal and talking to new people can be daunting, no doubt. What's the answer?

...And when they open up, don’t judge. Nobody — including you — likes to feel judged.

FBI behavior expert Robin Dreeke’s #1 piece of advice: “Seek someone else’s thoughts and opinions without judging them.” Here’s Robin:

The number one strategy I constantly keep in the forefront of my mind with everyone I talk to is non-judgmental validation. Seek someone else’s thoughts and opinions without judging them. People do not want to be judged in any thought or opinion that they have or in any action that they take. It doesn’t mean you agree with someone. Validation is taking the time to understand what their needs, wants, dreams and aspirations are.

Suspend your ego. Avoid correcting people or saying anything that could be interpreted as one-upmanship.

Read the full post and visit the site [HERE].

Monday, February 16, 2015

How ‘Active Listening’ Makes Both Participants in a Conversation Feel Better

It might be "easy" being a negotiator but how are you when it comes to your own life?

When Traci Ruble and her husband, Clemens Gantert, climbed into bed one night recently, he began telling her about his day at his software startup. He explained that changes in a state law would affect his business. And he told her about a technical problem he was having with a security certificate for the software.
After several minutes, Ms. Ruble turned to look at him. Then she burst out laughing, picked up the remote and turned on the TV. “Whatever you are saying is like speaking Greek to me,” said Ms. Ruble, who is a marriage and family therapist.
“I can’t believe you get paid to listen for a living,” Mr. Gantert replied, calling her on her behavior.
Why is it so hard to listen to our loved ones?…
...“Good listeners overcome their natural inclination to fix the other’s problems and to keep the conversation brief,” says Graham D. Bodie, an associate professor of communication studies at Louisiana State University, who studies listening.
Read the full article at [here].

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Sunday Sit-down: Christopher J. Murphy

Christopher J. Murphy has been a Worcester police officer for nearly 21 of his 45 years. He spent 13 years investigating homicides and other major crimes as a detective before being promoted to sergeant in December 2013 and reassigned to the Operations Division. For the last ten years, Sgt. Murphy has also been a member of the department's hostage negotiating team, a specialized unit that is pressed into service about half a dozen times each year. 

The 11-member unit made headlines and earned Police Chief Gary J. Gemme's praise Jan. 10 when its efforts led to the peaceful resolution of what authorities said was a hostage-taking on Holly Terrace. An armed man believed to have been under the influence of crack cocaine allegedly held his 6-year-old son captive in the family's home that morning. He had earlier fired two shots into the floor, according to police. 

Sgt. Murphy and his colleagues managed to talk the suspect out of the house without any harm befalling the boy or his father. 

Explain, in general terms, what a hostage negotiator does. The job title suggests you try to negotiate the safe release of hostages and the peaceful surrender of their captors. Is that always the case or do you deal with other types of situations, as well, that may not involve hostages? 

"A hostage negotiator is one who is trained to speak to individuals who are in crisis, are barricaded, or are in need of assistance. It doesn't always involve a hostage. I think the majority of the time, it involves a person who is barricaded, and by barricaded, we mean behind a locked door. They are in some level of distress. It could be as simple as a police officer knocking on the door to make an arrest or investigate a crime and the person refuses to come out. But, you also have the people who are suicidal or in distress and often times, that comes over as a check-on-the-welfare call. It's our job to make sure they're safely brought to UMass mental health or to find some other kind of peaceful solution to their problem." 

Take us through a typical response, step-by-step... 

Read the full article from [HERE].

Thursday, February 12, 2015

New Book From Great Negotiator William Ury

I am sure many of you have read Getting To Yes, Getting Past No, and Beyond Reason from the brilliant people who started the Program on Negotiation at Harvard, so I thought you would be interested in knowing about Ury's newest book.  The previous books are all must reads for negotiators so I am sure this one will be too.
(From William Ury, coauthor of the international bestseller Getting to Yes, returns with another groundbreaking book, this time asking: how can we expect to get to yes with others if we haven’t first gotten to yes with ourselves?
Renowned negotiation expert William Ury has taught tens of thousands of people from all walks of life—managers, lawyers, factory workers, coal miners, schoolteachers, diplomats, and government officials—how to become better negotiators. Over the years, Ury has discovered that the greatest obstacle to successful agreements and satisfying relationships is not the other side, as difficult as they can be. The biggest obstacle is actually our own selves—our natural tendency to react in ways that do not serve our true interests.
But this obstacle can also become our biggest opportunity, Ury argues. If we learn to understand and influence ourselves first, we lay the groundwork for understanding and influencing others. In this prequel to Getting to Yes, Ury offers a seven-step method to help you reach agreement with yourself first, dramatically improving your ability to negotiate with others.
Practical and effective, Getting to Yes with Yourself helps readers reach good agreements with others, develop healthy relationships, make their businesses more productive, and live far more satisfying lives.

Read more and purchase the book from [HERE].

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Police Lacked Tactical Van During Sydney Siege

A basic premise to a law enforcement crisis hostage negotiator being effective is reducing distractions.  This is not just with respect to the direct communication between the negotiator and hostage taker but it also involves, and what can come across as common sense, distractions that can interrupt the negotiator.

Although it can be perceived as common sense to have a NOC (Negotiation Operations Center) that is free of outside distractions, in reality that is not always the case due to a variety of reasons.  This includes funding and sometimes planning. 

Have a look at the headline and snippet below to read how the lack of a mobile NOC played a role in the recent incident in Sydney.  Also read more about how the environment is an important nonverbal communication element to crisis negotiations [here]. 

NSW Labor promises counter-terrorism funding after it emerges police lacked tactical van during Martin Place siege

Read more [HERE].

Friday, February 6, 2015

Negotiating with War Veterans

BY:  Samuel A. Farina, Jr. 

Sam Farina is the President of the
New York Association for
Hostage Negotiators (NYAHN)
On December 22, 2013, FoxNews reported a story of a standoff lasting more than 24 hours between police in northern Kentucky and a military veteran suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder who barricaded himself and his three children inside his home. During the course of the negotiation, the veteran had his three children in his residence but released them without injury.

Such headlines are rather common across the United States, given the increasing number of military veterans returning from the Iraq and Afghanistan theaters. In terms of statistics, over 1.8 million veterans have served overseas over the past 12 years and it is estimated that over 300,000 returned with diagnosed and undiagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In addition, there have been over 300,000 contract civilian employees who have served in combat zones that have been impacted equally in Iraq and Afghanistan. Their adjustment back into society has been challenged and alerted by the effects of war, exposure to death and devastating injuries, the constant threat of one’s mortality, a constant state of hypervigilance, and the need for dehumanizing others as a survival mechanism.

So the question that is often asked of police negotiation teams is:

Are we ready to properly deal with a veteran in crisis in a barricade or hostage taking situation?